succeedatnothing:

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No, man, I offered to give you a proper thank you, but I’m gonna make you pay for that thank you. Of course I’m buying. We could always hit the sheets now and make it lunch or even dinner.

I wasn’t asking if you were buying, I was saying it’s the incentive I need to leave the house. I think after breakfast might be better, I’m trying to stay awake for as long as possible. I’m just not sure I can do much longer without losing consciousness anyway, so. That’s a bust.

succeedatnothing:

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We should get breakfast. You know, let me give you a proper thank you for keeping me alive the past four years.

Sure, as long as you’re buying. But can we go to bed afterwards? I’m kind of exhausted.

succeedatnothing:

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Indubitably? Unequivocally? Undeniably? Just totally dead.

Bossuet, if you didn’t have me you would be indubitably, unequivocally, undeniably, just totally dead.

succeedatnothing:

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I’d probably be dead if I didn’t have you. And by probably I mean definitely.

Is there a word that means more than definitely? Because that’s how dead you’d be.

succeedatnothing:

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Yeah, I’ll try my best not to.

It’s a good thing you’ve got me to keep an eye on you, right?

succeedatnothing:

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Okay, we don’t have to do the hamster ball thing, but can we at least wrap me up in bubble wrap for a day or something?

As long as you don’t suffocate.

succeedatnothing:

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Like?

You could fall down a hill, and trip, and get stuck in the g-force like some kind of Looney Tune.

succeedatnothing:

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Bring it. I can totally do a day in a hamster ball.

Except googling that brought a ton of concerns to light, and now I’m pretty sure it would be a terrible idea.

succeedatnothing:

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If you can find one, I’ll wear it for an entire day.

Oh yeah?

succeedatnothing:

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And I’m talking about one of those big, inflatable, human-sized hamster balls that actually exist. They’re a thing.

I’m pretty sure I could get a real human-sized hamster ball. Not one of your knockoff whatevers.